I Thought I Just Needed Better Photos (Or, “On Breaking the Cycle of Stuck-ness in Dating”)
🕒 Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
I told myself the problem was my profile pictures.
Just swap out that group shot. Smile with teeth? Without teeth? Add a hiking photo?
More did matches came in. But nothing really changed.
The same going-nowhere-except-a-dead-end conversations.
The same first dates I shouldn’t have bothered to go on.
Why didn’t I do a video or phone call first? I knew their third photo looked off.
Eventually, I had to admit:
It wasn’t my photos.
It wasn’t their photos.
It was bigger than that.
It was the pattern.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Things I Told Myself (Maybe You Have, Too?)
“I just need to take a break from the apps and reinstall them after a month so I get a new profile boost.”
“I just need to pay for the premium features.”
“I just need to wait until the good ones break up.”
“I just need to get through the holidays.”
“I just need to update my photos and profile… again.”
“I just need to be better looking.”
These sound harmless — hopeful, even.
But they all have one thing in common:
They put the power out there. On the apps. On timing. On other people’s relationship status.
They delay the annoying hard truth: If I don’t change anything about how I approach dating, I’m likely going to get the same result.
Why We Keep Hoping Dating Will “Just Work Out”
If it feels like Groundhog Day, it might be time to try something different.
We’ve all heard it sympathetic, but trite remarks like:
“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
“Just be patient. The right one will come along.”
“You’ll meet someone when you stop looking.”
And sometimes, that does happen.
But many other times, people end up stuck in a loop of:
Swiping, then deleting the apps.
Telling themselves to “just be chill” while quietly feeling anxious or disappointed.
Avoiding anything that feels awkward — and then wondering why nothing is changing.
It’s not laziness and not lack of effort. It’s doing the same thing again and again… and expecting something to be different this time.
“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”
This Isn’t About Self-Help or Hustle Culture
You are not broken — but patterns that don’t serve you might be.
To be clear: You are not broken. You don’t need to spend your life hacking your way to a relationship.
But here’s what I’ve learned: You can only get so far hoping the world will change around you.
At some point, pause and ask yourself: “Is there a pattern?”
What You Actually Get When You Invest in Yourself
Real investment isn’t just about money — it’s time, energy, and attention.
When people hear “invest in yourself,” they often think of money. But investment can come in other forms — time, energy, attention.
A dating coach or therapist isn’t a magic or overnight fix. But having someone walk alongside you — consistently, compassionately, and with accountability — can spark real and meaningful change.
Instead of defaulting to autopilot or wondering, “Why does this keep happening?”
You start to:
✅ Notice your patterns
✅ Practice, experiment, and build new habits
✅ Get braver, clearer, more intentional
Quick Wins vs. Lasting Change
One intense workout won’t give you six-pack abs — and one profile update won’t change your dating life overnight.
Dating can feel like doing one intense workout and wondering why you don’t have six-pack abs yet.
You go all in fix your profile, match with new people, go on a few dates — but the results feel… the same.
It’s not that you’re doing it wrong. It’s that meaningful progress doesn’t come from a one-time push — it comes from consistent effort, reflection, and rest.
Building new habits, setting boundaries, and approaching dating differently? That’s the emotional equivalent of strength training. You don’t see the change all at once, but it adds up over time.
Long-term clarity often starts with short-term courage.
So If You’re Feeling Stuck…
You’re not the only one and you’re not doomed to stay there.
If you’re ready to stop hoping something will change on its own — and start showing up a little differently — I’d love to support you.
“Help people do what they already want to do.”
No gimmicks. No pressure. Just grounded, honest help for people navigating the messy middle of dating and relationships.
👉 Learn more about coaching here
👀 Or explore more tips and reflections — including this one:
🔁 Are You Stuck in a Dating Loop?
A deeper dive into why we repeat the same dating dynamics — and how to break the cycle for good.
