Online Dating Safety: Practical Tips and Advice
Online dating has opened up exciting possibilities by enabling you to connect with people you might never encounter in real life. However, it also brings concerns about trust and safety. In this article, I cover common risks, provide helpful tips, and share practical advice to help you navigate the online dating world with confidence and care.
Why Online Dating Safety Is a Concern
Catfishing, scams, and dishonesty are unfortunate realities in online dating, making safety an essential concern. Dating profiles are often static and provide limited information, leaving users to piece together an incomplete picture of someone’s identity.
Women face unique challenges shaped by societal norms, such as being socialized to prioritize pleasing others over asserting their own needs. This can result in difficulties asserting boundaries or reporting unsafe situations. Additionally, women are at a higher risk of experiencing violence or harassment, further underscoring the importance of caution.
The Biggest Risks and Challenges
While the primary challenge of online dating is making a genuine connection, it’s often complicated by risks that can undermine trust and safety at every stage of the process:
Scammers: People trying to steal money or information through deception.
Catfishing: Misrepresentation of identity or appearance.
Cheating: Matches who aren’t being honest about their availability or relationship status.
Ghosting: A promising connection that disappears without explanation, leaving questions and frustration.
Safety Tips for First Meetings
Taking precautions when meeting someone new is critical, as it helps build confidence and creates a foundation for a safer experience. Here are some practical tips:
Limit texting: Avoid spending hours per day or weeks on end texting before meeting. Prolonged online interactions can create false intimacy.
Protect sensitive information: Never share personal, financial, or sensitive details with someone you’ve just met online.
Use video or phone calls: Before meeting, schedule a phone or video call to verify their identity and assess initial compatibility.
Build trust gradually: Trust is earned over time and through consistent, genuine interactions.
Listen to your instincts: Pay attention to your gut feelings. If something feels off, take a step back to observe and verify before proceeding.
What to Do If You Feel Uncomfortable
Recognizing and addressing varying levels of discomfort is essential for protecting yourself and ensuring a positive dating experience. Feeling uncomfortable can range from mild awkwardness to serious safety concerns. Here’s how to handle different levels:
Mild confusion: They said or did some odd things or making a joke that didn’t quite land, but nothing alarming enough to rule out a second date. Continue to be curious, ask questions to understand their perspective, and listen carefully to gauge their intent and personality.
Minor discomfort: For the most part, the date is going fine, but they said or did something that bothered you. I suggest you express your feelings plainly, “I feel uncomfortable about X. Can we talk about it?”
Significant discomfort: You might feel that the conversation is forced, they’re overly critical, or they’re talking at length about topics you find unpleasant or inappropriate. If you conclude you should not have gone on the date with this person and there will definitely not be a second date, then politely end the date (early if it makes sense to): “Thank you for meeting, but I think it’s best to end here.”
Serious safety concerns: Perhaps you realize it was a definite mistake to meet this person. It’s okay. It’s good you recognize it; now act on it. Excuse yourself to the restroom and leave. Your safety always comes first.
Acknowledging Discomfort on Both Sides
Discomfort on a date isn’t always one-sided, and it doesn’t always follow predictable dynamics. Regardless of your orientation, discomfort can arise for either or both people — and that’s okay. These moments are natural and part of the dating process. If you find yourself in this situation, remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to end the date politely and move on. The goal is to save your energy and focus on connections that feel mutually positive and genuine.
As shown in the images below, discomfort can arise on either or both sides of the table.
Screening Matches for Red Flags
Evaluating potential matches starts before you even swipe:
Photos: Look for high-quality, consistent photos that clearly show the person. Be cautious of profiles with photos that are:
“Too good to be true” or look like stock photos
Heavily filtered
Low resolution or out of date
Bio content: A well-thought-out bio is a good sign. Avoid profiles that are empty, or come across negative, jaded, or half-hearted.
Messaging behavior: Watch out for love-bombing, evasiveness, or resistance to moving meaningfully beyond the app (e.g., phone calls, video calls, or in-person meetings).
The images below highlight common issues with profile photos, such as blurry old selfies, large group shots that obscure identity, or overly filtered headshots that may misrepresent reality. While not every photo like these is a dealbreaker, they’re worth noting as part of your overall assessment of a profile.
Using Tools and App Features for Safety
Most dating apps include features to enhance safety and verify users. Consider these options:
Report suspicious behavior: Use the app’s trust and safety tools to flag harassment or scams. Additionally, keep a record of any troubling messages or behavior by taking screenshots, as these can be helpful if you need to report the user to the app or even law enforcement.
Reverse image search: Verify profile photos for authenticity. Then, use a tool like Google Images or TinEye. These platforms allow you to upload an image or paste the image’s URL to check where else the photo appears online. This can help identify if the photo has been taken from another source or is associated with a different identity.
Social media integration: Some dating apps allow linking Instagram accounts for additional context, which can provide insights into a match’s interests and lifestyle. Keep in mind that these are curated views showcasing highlights rather than the full picture. While social media can add context, it should not be relied upon as definitive proof of character or compatibility.
Background checks: For added peace of mind, some people opt to conduct formal backgrounds checks. However, please use them sparingly to avoid overstepping natural boundaries.
Balancing Caution with Openness
While it’s important to be cautious, curiosity can help you remain open and optimistic. Treat online dating as you would any other new relationship (such as a friend or colleague). Take time to build trust and familiarity.
Remember, strong feelings early on are just that: feelings. While a promising new connection can be exciting and promising, those feelings are not reliable indicators of long-term compatibility. True connection requires time, patience, and shared experiences to figure out whether you align on values, goals, and are able to tackle challenges together.
Handling Unsafe Situations
If you’ve found yourself in an unsafe situation: It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve it. Please allow yourself time to recover and reflect.
Dating inherently involves risk because vulnerability is required to form meaningful connections. With time, practice, and learning, vetting people and staying safe becomes more intuitive.
For further guidance, I highly recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
Final Thoughts
Online dating doesn’t have to feel like a minefield. You can date with confidence and even enjoy the process by:
staying curious
paying attention to red and green flags
taking steps to protect yourself
Remember that meaningful connections take time, effort, and intention to build.
