Dodging the Bullet
Ever felt that twinge of disappointment when a promising match suddenly fizzles out?
Maybe the conversation felt like pulling teeth, or the first date left you with a weird vibe you couldn't quite explain.
One Date Lab member recently shared a story about a match that ended before the first date.
After a phone call that didn’t sit right, he decided to move on and framed it with a simple, brilliant phrase: "Dodged the bullet."
That got me thinking: what if we all embraced that mindset? Rejection (or even the awkward lull after a promising chat) isn't necessarily a loss.
Sometimes, it's a near miss that saves you time, energy, and potentially an uncomfortable dinner where you realize, ten minutes in, that you'd rather be at home, wearing stretchy pants, and re-watching Scrubs.
Let’s break down how to spot a potential "bullet" and how to reframe these moments as wins rather than wounds.
The Subtle Red Flags We Overlook
Not all red flags are obvious at first. Sometimes, they’re subtle signs we overlook. Learning to spot them early can save you time, energy, and unnecessary heartache.
Early conversations aren't just small talk — they’re sneak previews of someone's personality. When a match cancels repeatedly, overshares within minutes, or makes you feel uneasy during a phone call, these are clues, not quirks. Our instincts often whisper, "Something feels off." Listen to that whisper.
As the Date Lab member put it, "I couldn't put my finger on it, but the vibe was off. I decided to pass, and honestly, I’m glad I did."
That's dodging the bullet: understanding that not every interaction warrants a follow-up.
Rejection Isn’t Failure — It’s a Filter
Rejection isn’t a dead end — it’s a natural filtering process. The right connections remain, while the wrong ones fall away.
When someone ghosts you or decides they’re not interested, it can feel personal. But rejection is just the universe’s way of running an early-stage compatibility filter.
Think of it like online shopping: when something doesn’t fit, you send it back. You're not failing at shopping — you’re refining your choices. The same applies to dating. If someone doesn’t want to pursue things further, you’ve just dodged investing in someone who wasn’t genuinely interested.
That’s not a loss; it’s a bullet dodged with grace.
(For more on why ghosting happens and how to handle it, check out my article Why Do People Ghost.)
The Myth of What Could Have Been
The fantasy of “what could have been” can be captivating, but reality often tells a different story. Sometimes, we romanticize a connection that was never meant to be.
When a conversation fizzles with someone you found attractive or intriguing, it’s easy to daydream about what could have been. But here's a reality check: you didn’t lose a great relationship; you lost a guess about one.
The person who seemed funny in text but was dismissive on the phone? The one who mentioned a "crazy ex" seven times in the first ten minutes?
You didn’t miss out on a love story; you dodged a storyline with some serious plot holes.
(Feeling stuck overanalyzing what went wrong? Try shifting your mindset with Stop Asking Why.)
Reframe Disappointment as a Win
Sometimes, what feels like rejection is actually redirection. Embrace the wins, big and small, and celebrate the freedom to find a better match.
Next time you feel that pang of disappointment, try these simple reframes:
Instead of: "Why didn’t they like me?"
Try: "Good to know early. On to better matches."Instead of: "Ugh, I thought this had potential."
Try: "If it fizzled this fast, it wasn’t real potential."Instead of: "What did I do wrong?"
Try: "Nothing. We just weren’t a match, and that’s okay."
Final Thoughts
Dating involves a lot of trial and error.
Not every match makes it to a first date.
Not every first date turns into a second.
And sometimes, the person who seemed great in text reveals in conversation that they’re more interested in monologuing about their 3D printer projects than asking about your interests.
When that happens, take a deep breath, smile, and tell yourself, "Dodged the bullet." Because, sometimes, not getting the date is the best thing that can happen.
If you're looking for more ways to reframe dating challenges and gain clarity, let's talk! Book a 1:1 coaching session with me — a personalized space to ask questions, share stories, and get fresh perspectives.
Happy bullet-dodging!
